The Truth About “Energy Vampires” (The harsh reality of people pleasing.)

The term “energy vampire” gets thrown around a lot in spiritual circles. It's usually used to describe people—sometimes unconsciously, sometimes manipulatively—who drain your energy. You know the type: conversations that leave you tired, relationships that feel one-sided, people who constantly seek your attention, your emotional labor, your time.

And while there’s some truth to these dynamics, I’ve come to realize that this label can actually be more disempowering than helpful.

Here’s why.

The concept of an “energy vampire” positions you as the victim. It implies someone else is responsible for your energetic state, and that the only solution is to avoid them, cut cords, or “protect your energy.” What this framework doesn’t ask is: Why are you allowing your energy to be drained in the first place?

That was the hard question I had to face.

My Story: When People-Pleasing Became Self-Abandonment

In high school, I had a friend who, in hindsight, clearly fit the “energy vampire” archetype. He was extremely needy, constantly wanted to hang out, and would dominate every conversation. He lacked empathy, and often used our hangouts to emotionally dump without ever asking how I was doing. Anytime I tried to set boundaries or take space, he’d take it personally, get upset, and guilt-trip me.

So I stopped setting boundaries.I answered the phone even when I didn’t want to. I made excuses to not hang out instead of telling the truth.

Eventually, the relationship imploded—again and again. We would have a big falling out, reconnect, and fall into the exact same pattern. Each time, I hoped it would be different. Each time, I ended up depleted.

It took me years to realize the painful truth: I wasn’t just being drained—I was enabling it. My pattern of people-pleasing, avoidance, and fear of conflict was feeding the cycles of manifesting and attracting "energy vampires." I was such a "nice guy" that I did anything I could to protect other's feelings, without actually protecting my own well being. That friendship is just one of many examples of people pleasing.

I am very happy to say that at this time in my life, Ive finally put an end to people pleasing. I've taken full responsibility for where my attention goes and where my energy flows.

The Bypassing Trap of New Age Narratives

The idea of an energy vampire can be a helpful red flag—but if you stop there, it becomes a form of spiritual bypassing. It skips over your own role in the dynamic and reinforces a powerless narrative. You become the empath, the giver, the one who has to constantly “protect your energy” from the outside world.

But true empowerment isn’t about protection. It’s about ownership.

I had to own the fact that:

• I didn’t speak my truth.

• I avoided conflict to keep the peace.

• I lacked the self-worth to walk away the first time.

• I didn’t trust my intuition when it told me, “This relationship is not healthy.”

A New Frame: Energetic Responsibility

It’s easy to point the finger and say, “They’re an energy vampire. ”It’s much harder—and much more freeing—to ask:👉 Where in my life am I giving away my energy without honoring my own needs?👉 Why do I feel obligated to keep relationships alive that no longer serve my soul?👉 What boundary have I been too afraid to set?

Healing began the moment I stopped focusing on who was draining me and started focusing on why I kept allowing this cycle to repeat.

Find your Voice

If you feel called to awaken a more confident voice—so you can finally speak your energetic boundaries into existence and express your truth with clarity and creativity, I’ve designed a unique system just for you, an 8-Week 1:1 Transformational Program called "Find Your Voice."

We will get to the root traumas that have blocked your voice and finally put an end to your people pleasing tendencies. Using a blend of mantra, vocal energetics, and mindset mastery, this approach activates your throat chakra and helps you embody your most authentic self through music and guided transformational coaching.

✨ Ready to reclaim your voice? Book a free discovery call here: https://calendly.com/gabriel-sacredwaterssanctuary/discovery